funsizebytes:

Actress Natalie Portman was viciously attacked by an airbrush earlier today.

She sustained no injuries other than being made to look like she was created via CGI.

No motive has been given, although it is suspected that the vandals expected that if you saw Natalie Portman with any facial features, you would find her hideously disgusting. These people should be considered absurdly stupid and should not be approached without protective gear to ensure that they do not drip their stupidity onto you.

A spokesperson from the Institute for Reasonable Body Image Expectations said, “While this kind of fictitious image may be most damaging for prepubescent or teenage girls, it is also damaging for boys and young men, as it sets up an unrealistic expectation for what a human face looks like at 28, which is Ms. Portman’s reported age… or, really, ever. They are being trained to find attractive a person who does not exist, except on a computer screen.”

image via photobucket found via @gedeon

I’m now obligated by the Torah to point out that Natalie Portman is Jewish, and was born in Israel. No, like, she’s really Jewish, went to Jewish schools, wants to raise her future children (with me) Jewish. You know, so some of us are gorgeous and smart (Harvard!) and perfect and please don’t try to kill us again thank you.